What do you fear most

You and the others: what are you most afraid of?

In the following I use fear as a synonym for stress, worry, pressure to perform and strain.

Today we consider fear of someone or something as childish and negative. Fear must not be there, should go and prevent us from maximizing our possibilities. Can you imagine that fear is something positive, even healing? I'm pretty much alone when it comes to this opinion. But I like my fears because they helped me grow and become more of who I wanted to be. I know that with anxiety and panic attacks it is very difficult to see positive aspects in their existence. But it is worth looking for them and believing in the meaning of all of this. Because where the good aspects lie, the key to yourself lies. This is also the case with "smaller", frightening circumstances.

Be it the fear of making mistakes, being to blame, disappointing someone, being judged negatively, being alone, being helpless, dealing with conflicts or bearing too much responsibility ... There is a book for everyone who explains the reason his fear.

Fear is when ...

For me, fear means that: A signal for something that (yet) was still fighting in the undesired direction instead of letting go. It is also a signal of what I wanted to get rid of. Using the example of panic, these were: people and their demands on me. My fear was, so to speak, protective of "me" in order to isolate me from "the others" and their expectations. A few years ago, the conflict and the argument with people about their unreasonable expectations was too exhausting for me. I have said “yes” too often and ignored my limits until at some point my fear came up and, like a strict mother, demanded an immediate stop. What followed were many moments in which I had to be clear about my behavior. What had I done this and that for? Then there were many decisions and the courage to stand by them, come what may ...

Depending on the level of your fear and your level of readiness, it can take different lengths of time to recognize individual fears, to look at them, to change your thoughts, to reorient your attitude to your feelings, to reorient your behavior, and finally to redesign your life with fear /to live.

A few basic thoughts:

  1. Fortunately for us, our fears, insecurities and doubts are there and, like defenses, are supposed to protect our immune system LIFE. Our fear is good and useful, and not just when our lives are in danger.
  2. As a person you have the permission to be allowed to be afraid and to see it as something useful and
  3. You can always learn to regard your fears as your friend by getting information about fear, learning to trust your feelings of fear and
  4. learn to give her a voice - her own - so that your fear can speak out of you - and with it to you.

So that you can realize yourself by verifying yourself anewtrust and against all people and rules that affect your environment allegedly dictated. "I can't do that!", "You can't do that!", "And what if ...?": That's what fear sounds like. Sayings like “You don't need to be afraid!” And stigmata such as fearful rabbits, cowards, cowards, scapegoats, etc. have signaled to us since childhood that we are not afraid allowed to. Fear is forbidden. Seeing fear in someone also means dealing with your own fear. If you have little, an argument is easy. If you have a lot, but suppress it or pretend you don't have it, it becomes difficult. Seeing fear as something childish, unreasonable and useless is difficult. Dissolve your beliefs, yes correct them. Fear has been meaningful since time immemorial Must be thereto protect us. We are allowed to use them for our well-being and are happy to be instructed. Realizing them (I'm scared!), Recognizing them (It's okay that I'm scared!), Looking at the background (I'm scared that ... because ...) and then deciding what to do next, are valuable steps towards a healthy confrontation with any stress, blockages, pressure to perform, strain, fear and panic.

Ask yourself: If I do this and that, then I'm afraid that ...? Where does this fear come from? How do I know this fear? Has anyone ever told me that I am not allowed to X and Y or Z? Did someone give it to me?

Jean-Paul Sartre once said: Much of the worry is unfounded fear. This is actually wrong, because fear has already seen the reasons. The reasons are real as to why fear sets in and makes us flee, duck, or fight.

Fear is what you (the "you in small and powerless" version of a situation) aim at in the future, a result that you fear, a situation that you consider with helplessness and frame with loss of control. Panic is when the previously thought-up, feared event has already occurred.

Concentrating on yourself and your demands, your longings, your needs is the alpha and omega of your fear. If it weren't for the others, the environment, the many expectations and duties ... In my opinion, the first step is to detach yourself from them in order to come back to yourself and thereby disarm your fear.

Against fear

In my eyes, external claims are like viruses, bacteria and parasites that attack our body, and fear is one of the most effective defenses of our emotional immune system, which must be appreciated. Of course, fear also has negative sides: it acts as a signal for our weaknesses, our lessons to be learned and wounds that have to be dealt with. Something that we have experienced as particularly drastic, extreme, frightening, dangerous or traumatic in our past can pop up again at any time in our adult life if a similar circumstance / situation arises results. Most of the time, however, we attract such situations and people like moths to the light, quite unconsciously. Our brain unconsciously knows what it can and cannot do. What your brain is not (yet) ready for, it would never confront you with. But if your brain is ready for a change, then it will show you the strength to do so. Situations will arise - again - or people will come into your life who feel threatening to you. There is a valuable lesson behind this.

For example, many people attract people who treat you pissed off, take yourself more seriously and behave like that, who trump you or take advantage of you or who abuse you for some purpose. Like a strict mother or an angry father, they stand over you and you suddenly fear that you will be arrested in the room if you don't bend over and tolerate and say YES, until you get to the thought: Wait a moment! I am grown up!And how difficult it can be to remember it and then act that way. Inhale, straighten up, take out your chest, put your shoulders back and off you go. In my eyes, that's what's valuable about fear.

Another example:

Why do many single people who want a partner often and repeatedly meet partners who behave contrary or badly?

Because they need to learn more from the other person's behavior.

For me it's the golden mean between the extremes. It wouldn't annoy us if we didn't secretly long for balanced, but roughly similar behavior. Healthy control. Taking yourself just as important and standing up for your goals after you've set them up is healthy and legitimate. Fighting your way up in your job, but still being nice to your fellow human beings is okay. Showing someone your limits because you feel that your own are being exceeded or neglected is healthy. The examples are endless.

The next time you feel fear or panic, ask yourself: What is your fear trying to protect you from? Why do you perceive anger as a defense against fear because of a person or a situation if you bend over to it anyway? In that moment fear is positive and says:

Come over! Enduring it is 10 times worse for us than standing up for you now and saying no.

Best regards,



Disclaimer: All content and techniques have been carefully researched and tested. However, any strategy described here against stress, anxiety and panic is no substitute for professional psychotherapy. No liability is accepted for any personal injury.